spoiler alert!!! spoiler alert!!!if you haven't read the book or don't want to know details of the end before seeing the movie, don't read this...
due to the seventh harry potter movie coming out soon i decided it was high time that i reread the last book. i flew through it the first time and couldn't put it down and, honestly, i couldn't really remember too many details. the longer i take to read a book, the more i remember it. when i read i become the characters and i live every day with them on my mind. kind of weird, but i'll bet that most people are like this. so the longer i take to read, the longer i dwell on their lives during the course of my normal days and the more "memories" i have of them.
anyway, that's beside the point.
so i reread the deathly hallows and loved it even more this second time around. i was able to sit and think since i wasn't plowing through it like before. my absolute favorite character is severus snape. i just had to write something because i am just amazed. i know he's just a character but i really just want to give him a big hug and give him some of the love that he'd missed out on during his life. can you imagine being him, staying loyal to a memory of a dead friend and protecting her boy, who detests (and later hates) you and who only reminds you of his dad, who was one of your main tormentors??? all this for loyalty to a memory of someone who no longer lives! i'm sure he was very aware of the evil building around him but why stay around? why stick his neck out? my heart just went out to him when i've realized, through all the books, that he never had anyone (except lily, for a short time of his life) to care for, let alone to care for him. he was completely and utterly alone, except for his guidance from dumbledore, and yet he still stayed true to the very end. he was willing to live with everyone despising and hating him under false pretenses. wow. i'm sure that i could never be half the person that he was. the part of the book that made me cry the most (and i bawl when i read, as opposed to a few tears during a movie) was when harry was watching snape's memories and realizing that he had sacrificed everything to protect and to maneuver harry into the position where he could succeed.
and the doe patronus... *sigh*
how could anyone who had led such a loveless life be so dedicated to those who despised him? wow.
anyhow, just a bunch of thoughts as i've just re-finished the book tonight...
today i had an experience where i got swindled, i think. i'm still waiting to hear if this guy will come through or not, but i don't want to keep my hopes up too much longer. luckily it was only for $20. whenever someone is dishonest with me i always feel dirty inside, which is ironic because it wasn't me who should be feeling dirty. it's a feeling that i really don't like because everything around me starts to take a darkish cast and i get mad at everyone and everything. so when i got home tonight i just had to say a little prayer and remind myself of how lucky i am. i'm married and have a wonderful little family, we have a home and have the means to pay for our home, shawn has a job, we both come from incredible loving families, we both have kept ourselves clean and healthy, and on and on... i just had to remind myself of these things when i got home to help me feel clean again and to remind myself that the disappointment and $20 loss doesn't really matter in the long run.
